empty thoughts, and bottle tops
by twistingthekaleidoscope
Summary: When you are twenty years old, you discover a fondness for warm tea. It always tasted like hot water before, but now you enjoy the absence of flavor. a/n: i just wanted to get this out here, it's been in my head (and my google docs) for a while now, and then dani came along and it just fit. one shot, though i really enjoy these two so a multi-chapter is in the works.


When you are twenty years old, you discover a fondness for warm tea. It always tasted like hot water before, but now you enjoy the absence of flavor. You begin lighting candles more often, and reading the same poetry you used to hate in high school. You like writing things down with nice pens, in leather notebooks. You wear the same outfit everyday, just different variations: a work uniform with no cardigan, a work uniform with a red cardigan, or a work uniform with a white cardigan. And when you've actually got the day off, and don't stay in your pajamas all day, you try to dress yourself up the way you did in high school, but unfortunately your psyche doesn't respond any different to a sexy Santana versus a sex deprived Santana.

Things have changed significantly since high school though, and you think that has more to do with being alone than it does with living in New York.

It's August, and through your silent curses for how goddamn hot it is, you think about how you much you miss Brittany. You don't tell her that, though. Instead, you encourage her to continue studying, and that _we will see eachother soon._

But you probably won't because MIT is _hard, _and you don't think you ever want to leave your apartment again. Even if Kurt and Rachel annoy the shit out of you, their company is enough to keep your sanity. Somehow.

It's October, and Quinn is staying with you for the weekend. She tells you about how she had met someone, and right away you know it's a girl. You smile, apologize about how you've created high standards for what sex is like with a girl, and give her a hug.

_Her name's Spencer, and she's a sophomore at Yale too._

Quinn has come further than any of us, and her demons always seem to weigh her down more than you wish, but her eyes don't hold the same red tint from crying the night before like they always used to, and she smiles more throughout the weekend than she usually does, so you know this girl is worthwhile. The effect it has on Rachel is more awkward than you thought it would be, but you refuse to let Quinn realize that.

You miss Brittany even more when Quinn leaves, but she's not on Skype, so you lay on your bed and stare at your laptop. You imagine this is how she felt when you were in Louisville, and she was in Lima.

It's November, and your birthday is tomorrow, so Kurt, and Rachel take you out tonight. They go on, and on about how they never thought they would be who you spent your twenty-first birthday eve with. You never thought that either, but you don't tell them that. Instead, you smile, take their hands, and say _things change._

All three of you sing karaoke, and you only stop when they want to sing a song to you. Girls dance with you all night long, you're never without a drink in hand, and you find yourself having a better time than you could have imagined.

You almost miss Brittany's happy birthday call at midnight, but you catch it just in time. You two talk for a few minutes, until you hear Rachel hollering for you, and Brittany tells you to have a good time, and that she'll see you soon.

You almost believe her.

It's December in New York, and you're not going home for Christmas. Rachel isn't either, and you think it has more to do with her wanting to avoid Quinn, (who she hasn't stopped talking about since October) and less about the fact that she doesn't celebrate Christmas. And anyways, her fathers were just in town on the last day of Hanukkah with an obligatory dinner and off-broadway production of Jersey Girl that you were able to skip out on due to picking up an extra shift at the diner you, Rachel, and Kurt had been working at for almost a year now.

Your parents don't mind that they won't be seeing you, since they had made plans to cruise anyways, and you're only a little hurt by it.

You think of Brittany, and how you haven't talked since your birthday. She doesn't answer when you call, and you wonder if it's your fault for how things have fallen apart so dramatically, but decide that it's a three-way tie between your fault, her fault, and distance's fault.

You spend Christmas with Rachel, eating Chinese takeout, drinking fancy wine, and questioning if Jesus was even born on this day. You want to decide that somebody probably made the whole Jesus thing up in its entirety, but you don't like the feeling it gives your stomach, so you settle on remaining unsettled.

The day after Christmas is spent waiting tables on people who are taking breaks between taking back the shitty presents they got, and exchanging them for something they'd rather have. There's been a few new employees due to the holiday season, so when someone you don't know is running food to your table, you don't think much of it.

Until you see her face, that is.

And she sees your face too, and you want to look away, but you can't. She bites her bottom lip, and smiles at you like she knows something you don't. She's walking towards you, and you can feel yourself stiffening up. _What the actual hell?_

'I'm Dani,' she says, with confidence that she must have stolen from you, because _seriously, what the actual hell?_

'Santana,' you attempt to say coolly, but are sure it comes out panicky. When she looks down slightly, and smiles, you can feel your confidence start to build back up. You look past Dani's face, and see Rachel in the distance, beaming at you, giving you two thumbs up, and right away you know that she's done something.

You must have been staring at her for a second too long, because suddenly Dani has turned her head to see what you've been ignoring her for.

'Rachel's sweet,' Dani says as she turns her attention back to you, 'and she cares a lot about you. That's why when she found out I'm a total lesbian, she had me run your food. And I'm glad she did,' Dani concludes with a smirk that extends to her eyes. You watch her walk back to the kitchen, and smile to yourself.

The amount of time it takes for you to go from stunned, and uncool, to semi-okay should alarm you, but it doesn't. It intrigues you, and you find yourself silently thanking God for beautiful lesbians.

You can't help but think of Brittany, but you're okay with that. Because it isn't in the heartbroken way that you had thought of her numerous times before, it's in the 'maybe we can be friends again soon' way.

But when you look up, Dani's smiling at you, so you go back to thinking of her, and thanking God for beautiful lesbians.


End file.
